Men With In-Law Phobia....

Our planet is inhabited by different varieties and species of creatures. One such superior and distinct species is called men…

I was born in a women majority family where daughters dominated in numbers. I was sent to one of the best missionary girl's schools and later I joined women’s college and stayed at women hostel. I was exposed to this particular human race only at later stage. It was a completely new experience. Males were always an unexplored species to me. But when came in contact with them (during my higher studies and job and then later more and more on different occasions) I realized these creatures too were like us but with some unpalatable differences.

They share some really common features like keen on techhie topics, enjoy action and science fiction movies,  relish discussing about woman and some others but one common characteristic that I observed in many and that left me astounded was in-law phobia. Yes, this is true. I found many men who have this peculiar problem. They suffer from in law phobia. I discovered this new type of characteristic in several men (thankfully not all) once I joined the bandwagon of married couples.

The men suffering from this particular phobia are petrified with in-law relations. They try their best to keep their connection (with in-laws) at its minimum. Nothing haunts them more than the prospect of visiting in laws home. Creating bond with in-law family is one of the most unpalatable things to them. Hence, they prefer to avoid confronting such situations.

I met some really strange men. I have learnt from some really close friends and other individuals that how their partners make excuses to avoid mingling with their in laws. While some brave men show guts to at least talk to their in law family members when desired or occasionally meet them (though with lot of pain and struggle) others don’t even care to take that effort. It is the most painstaking task for them.

Meeting and keeping in touch with their own siblings (irrespective of the geographical boundaries), their uncles and aunts and other far off relations is not a headache to them but when it comes to in-laws they raise their hands as if they have been asked to win an uphill battle.

The wives are expected to meet everyone of husband’s family with glee and smile. She is supposed to be at her best while dealing with ‘his’ people (it actually provides him immense gratification). Doesn’t the same apply to men? Can’t they too show or at least try to show similar kind of love and bonding towards their wife’s family.

It surprises me a lot to see such an attitude coming from well-educated men with high qualifications and elite jobs. Their display of etiquettes is unmatchable when comes to friends, bosses and their relatives but when it comes to in-laws they prefer to simply step back, avoid confrontation. They become a lost soul forgetting all that learnt.

This topic’ men with in law phobia’ is inspired by an incident that took place recently. It happened with one of my very close friends. One of her cousins was visiting our city. It was an unplanned visit. It was her (cousin’s) husband’s business visit. She called my friend to inform that she was there and that she wanted to meet my friend. The sisters had not met for past several years. 

She was in the same city, staying at her husband’s friend’s house. My friend was asked by her cousin to invite her husband though she assured that there were pretty good chances of invitation being declined.

Things worked out but not as we (my friend, cousin and I) had planned. I accompanied my friend in her project ‘Milaap’. We managed to meet the cousin at the place where she was staying. My friend asked her cousin to come to her house and stay for some time. The cousin’s reaction made us feel awkward, it was as if we were demanding too much. Was it really too much, expecting to spend some time together with her sister at her place? 

As per the cousin’s situation it was not possible because her husband was not comfortable with the idea of staying at his wife’s relative’s house. This very concept startled me and left me disgusted. Her husband was making her stay with one of his friends family, he takes her places wherever he wants to but when it was her turn to meet her sister he simply denied this privilege to her.

Strange but true I have heard many such tales of men who have this kind of discriminating attitude. So, I termed this type of men as ‘in-law phobic’.  It somehow gives me some solace by associating this type of attitude to some disease. I don’t understand the logic behind such an approach. I completely fail to comprehend the rational that leads to such a behaviorial pattern.

Why men can’t offer similar respect and affection to their in law's family that they expect from their spouse? Are girl's parents and family members in any way inferior to those of men? Aren’t their love and concern equally deserving?

Marriage is not just about connection of a girl to her husband and his family but it is also about new relations connecting the boy with his in-law’s family. Marriage brings with it several new relations. And I feel that any sensible, well-mannered and sensitive person be it a girl or a boy would give due respect to each relation and strive to maintain a harmonious balance between relations.